Anyone who is friends with me on Facebook knows I make a lot of jokes about dating apps and the things I encounter there. I am single. Were I to get into a relationship that ended with me deactivating my dating app subscriptions, I would have significantly less comedic material for social media.
That being said, here are some trends on dating apps that I would like someone to explain to me. I have added my own explanations from deep within my own mind, but feel free to comment with your own interpretation.
1. The tiger picture
Guys like to take picture with tigers. They probably think it makes them look dangerous.
My assumption: you are at some zoo event where they let you have a close encounter.
Better option: Take a picture of yourself holding a Starbucks cup without the sleeve. Caution: contents may be hot? I don’t care. I like to live on the edge.
2. The mirror shot
These poor souls don’t have any friends who can hold their cameras for them to take a picture. But, there are so many mirror shots on dating apps, I’m starting to think it’s something else entirely.
My assumption: Mirror seeks like-minded individual to reflect with. Why are so many mirrors lonely? What do they see in themselves?
Better option: Clean your mirror and bathroom before you take a picture of it. Just saying…
3. All your pictures are of you outdoors
My assumption: I assume you’re homeless.
Better option: Take a few pictures inside. Pretend you have a couch that you sit on every once in awhile. I’m an indoor cat. We’re not going to have a good time if all you want to do is hike. Prove your human and have a roof over your head.
4. Same shirt
My assumption: you only have one shirt
Better option: have more than one shirt
5. Same hat
My assumption: you only have one hat or you are bald
Better option: prove you have more than one hat or hair
6. Headless torso looking for love
There’s this tendency (and usually it’s a mirror picture) to hold the phone in front of your face while you take a picture in the mirror, thus making the face invisible.
My assumption: you have no face. You’re just a headless torso looking for love. And, unless you’re trying to make a matching in Sleepy Hollow, it’s a little weird.
Better option: have some pictures with your face in them
And, last, but not least:
7. The Entrepreneur
Most dating apps want you to list your job. Sometimes, especially in Hollywood, you can’t say what you do because you signed a non-disclosure or your an agent who will only get unsolicited material if you tell people that on any kind of social platform.
Then, there’s the guy that puts entrepreneur.
My assumption: You are unemployed.
Better option: Look. For five years, I worked for a COMPANY that helped entrepreneurs and small businesses. After 5 years, I realized that, while entrepreneur might be a state of mind, it’s not a job. If you are a founder of a company, that’s a job. If you’re a CEO, CFO, COO of a company you helped create, that’s a job. Entrepreneur…you aren’t allowed to get away with that. So, dig deep in your brain and come up with something that is an actual occupation or just leave that part blank.
Life is hard. Dating is difficult. We are all just groping in the void trying to make some kind of connection in a world that cares nothing for our happiness.
Don’t make it harder on yourself.
But, I guess if being a headless torso looking for love works for you, don’t fix what ain’t broke.
If you’re looking for the social media stuff, it has moved over to Social Media for the Common Man. I will be updating that with both basic and advanced techniques for interacting on the web with your fellow man. You’re free to take or not take my advice. I will also take suggests in comments, on Twitter, on Facebook, and through email. Feel free to contact me.
I’m working three jobs and having a fairly good social life (much to my surprise), so updates may be sporadic.
Speaking of a “social life”, I had a ticket to ComicCon (#sdcc) on Sunday and guys…
Anyway, lately I’ve been contemplating Nerdom, my current status within the hierarchy of Nerdom (I mean, c’mon; I made the pilgrimage to Nerd-Mecca [on the Sabbath, no less]) and I wanted to point something out.
Nerds and hipsters are in a culture struggle. My real contemplation started when I pinned an infographic on Pinterest. At first, I thought it was a joke, but I got several responses to it.
Then, I tweeted something about Shark Week and soon found myself shoved into some hipster strewn corner of the Internet. It was like I was living on a Risk board. When did the hipsters take Shark Week?
In Nerds: How Dorks, Dweebs, Techies, and Trekkies Can Save America (and Why They Might Be Our Last Hope) David Anderegg says,
“Young adult urban hipsters embrace nerd/geek stereotypes and costumes because this is a way of distancing themselves from mainstream America.”
The thing about stereotypes is that you tend to brush against the walls of your stereotype no matter how atypical you try to be. But, one of the really great things about nerds is that they usually don’t care. Often times, a nerd will place practicality over appearance. That’s not to say that don’t care about cleanliness (stereotype) or attracting a mate (stereotype), they just have other things on their minds.
I wear glasses because my eyes aren’t so good. I prefer to wear jeans, a t-shirt with a pop culture reference, and a pair of Converse. I really like the way those shoes look paired with boot-cut jeans. I suppose that’s my costume, but it’s what I’m comfortable in.
I’ve been working with web technology since 7th grade. I love Apple products. I grew up surrounded by them (my dad had a Newton!). I have a lightsaber, I love television shows, mostly scifi dramas, and Joss Whedon is one of my heroes. Not ironically.
The hipster is extremely concerned about their appearance, which is interesting that the opposite intent often yields the same result.
However, the big difference between nerds and hipsters is enthusiasm. My ticket to ComicCon was too last minute for me to wear a costume (got the ticket Saturday night at 8, had to leave at 6am Sunday). I didn’t feel right throwing something together half-assed.
The thing I’m really getting to is: hipsters like things ironically. What does that mean? It means they’re either a) too afraid to admit they like something in actuality or b) they say they like something to sound outrageous or cool or hip.
Nerds don’t love things ironically. They squee. They freak out when they see Nathan Fillion. They work all year on a costume they wear once a year…and they don’t even get in the door.
Hipsters’ attitude and their tendency to disguise themselves as nerds may have led to nerd chic, but now it’s giving nerds a bad name.
The next time you see a hipster and mock them, stop and think.
Perhaps it’s only a nerd.
P.S. We’re f*&king taking back Shark Week.
Either that or they’re trying to make the geek inherit the Earth.
If you haven’t been paying attention, Google has released several press releases talking about Google Glass. While they didn’t take my suggestion for their slogan (It’s a Computer…for Your Face!), Glass is something we can all get excited about.
Google Glass is a technological apparatus you wear on your face like, well, glasses. It’s like Blu-tooth with the smartphone integrated into the system. A forward facing camera allows you to interact with the icons.
The thing I find thrilling about this is that it basically gives you a heads-up display (HUD). For those of you familiar with gaming, first person shooters especially, you’ll know what I’m talking about. For those of you who aren’t, the HUD is stuff that appears on the screen while you’re running around your virtual world, like a map identifying threats, your health indicator, and other various things you should be aware of, depending on the environment.
If you’ve seen Prometheus, they had this sort of interactive smart tech built into their helmets.
That sounds really cool, right? Gamers adapt to that within the virtual world, so, perhaps, that means people will be able to adapt in the real world and won’t be stuck running into a wall and not being able to turn around.
Hold the phone. If I’m so excited about that, what makes me think Google is trying to kill us all?
Not kill us, no. Cull us. You may have missed this article, too.
That’s right. Google Maps is now mapping interiors. You will be able to navigate inside buildings. This would definitely be integrated into the Google Glass display. It’d be like exploring a cave in Skyrim, except you don’t go in blind. It’s all laid out for you.
Partnered with this, I’m afraid Google is setting us up for an endgame. The early-adapters, the gamers, the nerds…they’ll have the upper hand. And, we know how this ends. The ones who are most prepared for the zombies are the ones that created them.
It’s the end of the world. You have your Google Glass, a 9mm, 50 rounds of ammunition, 3 health kits, standard shoes, shirt, jeans. Your objective?
It’s free roam. It’s open-ended. It’s adaptive.
And, you’re playing on hardcore mode.
Don’t forget to upgrade your weapons.