Wanted: Evil Lair

Well, I did it.

I found the location of my secret evil lair.

It’s in New Mexico.

While barreling down the road at 80 miles an hour, you start to notice that vast expanses of New Mexico are apparently uninhabited. Everything has a rusted, used feel to it, and one wonders, “Did it ever look new?”

But, here are the good things:

  1. Sparse population means not as many people to ask questions about what I’m doing at the Evil Lair of Dastardly Doings.
  2. I’m not sure about the structural integrity of these hills are, but they have flat tops, which is perfect for helicopter landings.
  3. The climate is pretty predictable. If any weird weather stuff is happening, it’s probably just me testing my weather machine.
  4. Uranium mining.
  5. It’s sunny all the time and windy some of the time. Renewable energy can give me a cover story and the ability to go off the grid.

This was all looking very fine and good. When I do finally turn to the dark side, I know where to go after I get that boost from my Kickstarter.

But, I soon found a problem.

A big problem.

There aren’t any Starbucks in this whole freaking state.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. There is an indication on the map of Albuquerque that such a thing exists, but, geez, that would be two hours away. Hence the problem with a sparse population. You are denied the comforts of more traditional population centers.

I suppose this is always an option:

What better way to hide your evil empire than behind a popular franchise? Isn’t that what everyone assumes anyway? Each minion would be required to work a morning and an evening shift once a week. They’d be able to keep their tips, too. I’m not that evil.

But, then again, maybe it’s too much work. I can’t bother with trying to please the man while I’m also trying to take over the world.

So the journey continues.

In the meantime, the next time you’re driving across New Mexico, remember there aren’t any Starbucks. And, if there are, be weary of the minion behind the counter.

2 Comments on “Wanted: Evil Lair”

  1. Hey, I don’t think I’ve formally said it yet, but WAY TO DITCH THE SHIRE, madam. Even though the world beyond is vast and strange and decidedly spotty on frappuccino coverage, you are SO cool for venturing forth to seek your fortune.

    You know, if we take this metaphor to its logical conclusion, the dragon’s name should actually be spelled Smog.

    … anyway. To bed for me; to fame, fortune, and the wilds of urban California for you!

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