Holiday Movie Distractions
Posted on November 19, 2012 Leave a Comment
It’s getting to be that time of year when we have extended periods of time with our families. They’re the ones you haven’t seen in months, but even so, you’re all caught up on life within ten minutes (I blame the Internet).
We can’t disappear into class or the workosphere. There’s so much time to bask in the warmth of kith and kin.
Or not.
Here are some top Netflix picks to get you through the holidays.
Family Friendly:
1. Mirror Mirror
If given the choice between Mirror Mirror and Snow White and The Huntsman, I would pick Mirror Mirror. It’s not just that it’s better written; Mirror Mirror has stunning visuals that SWATH can’t compare. In MM, the purity vs. corruption metaphors are HUGE and overt, but in a well told story that’s satisfying and twisting enough to hold anyone’s attention. Definitely take a look.
2. A League of Their Own
YES! This is on Netflix and this movie is (in my opinion), one of the best movies ever made. The dialogue is precise and witty. This movie is the definition of quotable. If you’re as disappointed as I am about the outcome of the World Series (or not, either way), this baseball movie will help ease the pain of a concluded baseball season. While Tom Hanks and Geena Davis stand out, A League of Their Own has a stellar ensemble, including Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna. A tip of the hat to Penny Marshall’s greatest.
Crying? Are you crying? There’s not crying in baseball!
Romance:
3. Shakespeare in Love
This movie is 14 years old. Amazing. But, don’t forget, this gem won 7 Oscars including Best Screenplay, Best Actress, and Best Picture. It was nominated for six other Oscars. Love or hate Shakespeare, it doesn’t matter. This movie is a wonderful diversion.
4. I.Q.
In this movie, Albert Einstein tries to hook his super smart niece up with an auto mechanic. Meg Ryan plays the niece; Tim Robbins, the auto mechanic. This movie was made back when Meg Ryan was still America’s sweetheart. Stephen Fry rounds out the love triangle. The writers really called in the Meg Ryan style of cuteness and irrelevant observation.
For Mature Audiences Only:
5. Breaking Bad
Catch Grandma and Grandpa up on the life and times of Walter White. For all those grandparents asking, “What’s all this about the bad breaking?” Even if it’s not the thing for the grandparents, it should keep the uncles entertained before the football’s on. Same goes for The Walking Dead.
6. Weeds
Weed is legal in Colorado and Washington now. How many of your family members are thinking of moving? The holidays is a great time to look at other people’s families and say, “At least I’m not them.” No matter how hilarious they are.
I Put the “eck” in Rejected
Posted on November 14, 2012 9 Comments
It’s been awhile since I’ve done an overt post on writing and I just KNOW you’ve been dying for one (irony irony irony and scene). Regardless of how you feel about writers writing on writing about writing while writing, I can’t afford therapy, so I bought a domain name instead.
If you are a working writer, you’ve received a rejection letter. If you haven’t, then:
1. Screw you
OR:
2. You’re not really a working writer and you need to take a look at what you call your career.
Rejection is part of the process, and it’s something that want-to-be writers must deal with in order to progress. Sometimes, your writing sucks. Sometimes, the market is bad. Sometimes, nobody wants you. Okay. It happens. That’s life.
You pull up your big girl panties and get back to work.
This week, I got the rejection letter from my final requested manuscript. It was not a form rejection. It was kind and gentle, and I’ve developed a Twitter relationship with this agent and still enjoy talking with her, even if she didn’t want my stuff. This letter made me feel a great many emotions, but all these things were very loosely defined.
I’ve been waiting for this rejection for awhile. Now, let’s take a look at that. I’ve been waiting for this rejection. I wasn’t waiting for a “yes.” I’d been waiting for a “no.” When did that happen? When did I become so bitter and cynical that I’m expecting bad news over good?
But, regardless of expectation, every rejection letter brings up every other rejection and compresses them all into one big lump of ice right smack between the lungs. And that lump expands into a void of negativity. And the doubts rush in to fill the negative space.
I’m not talented. I can’t tell a story. I’m doing something wrong.
Your support structure tells you that’s wrong; you’re talented; you’ll get there. BUT THEY ARE LYING!!! (irony irony irony and scene)
The truth is, when you come to expect rejection, the old adage of doing the same thing and expecting a different result leads you to the crazy train.
Now, here’s the real point of this story.
The worst thing repeated rejection has done to me is trained me to not want things.
Wanting things is stupid and leads to pain, therefore the act of wanting is a gateway to pain and must be avoided at all costs.
I realized my numbness to desire when I suddenly wanted something. An opportunity presented itself and that cold lump was immediately incinerated in the burn of possibility. There was an all consuming rush, a caffeine high, an unfurling of imagination as a million different futures spread before me, none of them featuring a rejection. I had to tell someone. I had to tell everyone. I had to run home and write a blog post about it!
So, there. The real travesty of rejection is not the “no.” It’s what it does to your head. It’s how it messes you up, pushes you down, leaves you on your belly so you forget what it’s like to sit, stand, walk, run.
But when something is worth wanting, maybe that’s the only thing that you need to get back on your feet.
Jokes for the Week of 11/5
Posted on November 13, 2012 Leave a Comment
Papa John’s will be cutting hours due to projected ObamaCare costs. It was either that or downgrade to “Cheaper ingredients,cheaper pizza.”
Yahoo’s fantasy football website broke down today, leaving fantasy football players stuck playing their level 5 mages.
CIA Director Petraeus resigned due to an extra marital affair. If he worked in the British Secret Service, he would have been promoted to 007.
Gasoline rationing has continued in New York City. In a related story, New York City Prius owners are emitting a record amount of smug.
A 64-year-old Florida man tried to shoot his horse and missed while riding it drunk. In related news, the broad side of the barn can rest easy.
A British zoo is offering a program where tourists can swim with tigers. This replaces the much less popular program “Swim with the Yankees.”
Lindsay Lohan recently said the cops are out to get her. The cops responded “Any info of Lohan’s whereabouts can be reported to her dedicated hotline.”
Carrie Fisher told interviewers she wants to be in the new Star Wars. Just what we need; the return of the Sith.
Officials asked news media to stop calling hurricanes superstorms. Official classifications are Category 3, Category 2, and Holy Shit, Wake Up Grandma.
The only reason people make fun of Snuggies is because they’re jealous they didn’t think of it. That and they make you look like a klansman.
A New Zealand scientist was banned from referring to ancient humanoids as “hobbits.” The decision affects all archaeologists, making it one ban to rule them all.
Thousands of rats displaced by Sandy are taking to the streets of NYC. There hasn’t been this big of a rodent exodus since Fievel went West.
A new study shows that LA porn stars have more STDs than Nevada prostitutes. It just goes to show that some things really do stay in Vegas.
Starbucks plans to accelerate growth in 2013. Instead of a Starbucks on every corner, there will be a Starbucks in every home.
Philadelphia 76er’s revealed a t-shirt cannon that shoots 100 t-shirts a minute. This move is just another escalation in the NBA arms race.
Stranded
Posted on October 31, 2012 Leave a Comment
I’m changing my superpower.
Flight and invisibility are the poor man’s game. When I played pick a superpower, I always played it with the full X-men dossier. Everyone said Wolverine because he was cool and great and awesome and who hasn’t wanted to brandish knuckle-sprouted blades at some inconsiderate line cutter. (or is that just me? my bad…)
I just want to point out that “badass” is not a superpower, it’s a state of being.
Anyway…
I usually went with Storm. I mean, come on. You can control the weather. Snow. All the time.
But, I’m changing it to Nightcrawler teleportation. Nightcrawler has a roughly three-mile radius in which he can teleport. At the very least, I would use it to cross the street.
But, the real reason is my damnable travel karma (see previous post). On with the tale!
What you need to know:
Hurricanes come with their own stages of emotions.
1. Mild Surprise
I got a text message from my dad on Friday that read: “How’s the storm situation?” At the time I had no idea what he was talking about. My flight the previous night had been delayed (see previous post), so I assumed he was talking about that, even though I hadn’t mentioned a storm. I told him I got in late last night. About 45 minutes later, I saw the news and sent him this. “Oh. Now I see what you mean.” It was far away, I was young and inexperienced. Certainly I would not fall victim to such a thing.
2. Irrational Fear
Okay, so the president’s talking about it. And, apparently it’s pretty bad. And, Twitter is abuzz. Oh, my God. I’m going to die. What are my last words? Who should receive my last farewell? Who gets my stereo?
3. Coy Nonchalance
I’m staying in Cambridge, on the MIT campus. Where else in the world would be a better place to sit this out?
4. Irrational Fear
ANYWHERE ELSE THAT IS NOT IN A HURRICANE! FIND THE TORNADO ROOM! NO, GET TO HIGH GROUND! WIND IS SO LOUD!! WHY IS WIND SO LOUD?!?!
5. Cabin Fever Bat Shit Insanity
I’m never going to get out of here. Every flight that ever existed has taken off or been cancelled. I’ll never see anyone again. Are the walls closing in? Why is it so bright? I can’t see. No, wait, I’m looking at things. I can see. I’m never going to get out of Boston.
6. Overwhelming Frustration
Okay, this one hit when I was told that my rescheduled flight was also cancelled. The new one? Friday. I’m trapped in a dorm until Friday. Admittedly, a big part of this frustration stemmed from the fact that I am supposed to fly to Vegas from LAX on Thursday. Yeah.
7. Acceptance of Fate
Do you know what it feels like to flush money down the drain? That’s what happens when there’s no possible way you can get to Los Angeles before Thursday and your ticket is non-refundable. Rebooking the flight costs more than the original ticket, and I’m not going to throw good money after bad. Oh, and I’m flying to Dallas on November 15th for the week and a half of Thanksgiving. At this point, I might still be in Boston, but, whatever, man. Whatever.
As far as the hurricane itself, well, it didn’t really hit Boston. It was simply a rainy, cloudy, windy day where everyone stayed inside. No flooding, no power outage. I ordered delivery.
Yes, I have a place to stay with power, a bed, Internet, and all those things that so many are without. I am grateful for all those things. I know a lot of people have it much worse than I do. Right now, I just want to go home.
But, let me make one thing known. You don’t want to be in a hurricane. You don’t even want to be near a hurricane.
Oh, and:
Dear Mom,
Send underwear and shampoo.
Love, Kate
Flight Patterns
Posted on October 28, 2012 3 Comments
You shouldn’t fly with me.
I might be the black cat of airline travel. Over the past five trips I’ve taken by plane, at least two of the flights have been cancelled, at least three of the flights have been delayed over two hours, and one plane was struck by lightning as we landed.
I abandoned checked luggage ages ago. I’m never on the plane I’m supposed to be on, and my bags aren’t, either.
I booked my trip for Boston over a month ago, back in September. I like to book early for prices and for convenience. Besides, I need that time to allow people to abandon the flight before I actually make it to the airport. I usually give myself an extra day. I’ve spent two nights on separate occasions sleeping the Chicago’s O’Hare airport, once by myself; another time with over 1,000 stranded people.
It’s easy to point at O’Hare and say, “Kate, you’re flying to a bad weather hot zone.” Fair enough. My trips to Michigan are almost always in the dead of winter and the cause of my flight delays are the same reason I’m going up there in the first place: snow.
But, things were supposed to change. At the end of September, I went back to Dallas to surprise my friends. The day before the flight was supposed to leave, they cancelled it. They rebooked me on a flight that would have me landing four hours later and (consequently) ruining my elaborate construct of surprise. Orbitz (I will say again) ORBITZ! took my call and was able to book me on a different flight that routed through Denver rather than San Fran and had me arriving at the original time (no extra charge). Surprise saved.
I will always recommend Orbitz because of this. They took care of me.
On the flight back to Los Angeles, lightning struck our plane as we descended into Denver. It’s not very exciting.
On my flight to Boston (routed through San Francisco {or, as I told my dad “The new Chicago”}) the flight was delayed so long that my connecting flight had left San Francisco before I even left LA. United got me on a different flight and I landed in Boston at 1:00AM.
Which brings us up to today.
I am sitting out a hurricane.
Now, it could be worse. I don’t have a job I have to get back to because I work from home. I’m missing my classes, but hopefully I can make them up later. My car is slowly accumulating day after day charges, but it’s only $10 per day, so an extra 20 isn’t going to break the bank.
I’m not going to stop flying anytime soon. I love that air travel makes our world smaller by hours. I love that I have income flexibility that allows me to travel to places like Michigan, Boston, Dallas. I’m lucky to have friends and family in these places that give me a place to crash.
Perhaps the moral of this story is that all my karmic dissonance plays out in the form of terrible airline travel. A few things I’ve learned, though:
- Flexibility is essential.
- Pack light.
- Pack extra underwear.
- Be nice to airline employees.
That last one is probably the most important.
If I live to tell the tale, I’ll post about what it’s like to sit out a hurricane on the MIT campus. This coffee shop I’m posting from is playing “Singin’ in the Rain” which is either genius or in very poor taste.
Jokes for the Week of 10/22
Posted on October 27, 2012 Leave a Comment
I was watching “A Baby Story” on TLC. They have a baby every time. I feel like there hasn’t been any character development…
The International Cycling Union has banned Lance Armstrong from cycling for life. The ban includes tours, triathlons, and teaching spin classes.
Clark Kent has left The Daily Planet. He’s now applying for a job at the Huffington Post.
Kelly Clarkson switched her vote to Obama because he’s a “great guy.” He also has great eyes, loves sushi, and enjoys long walks on the beach.
The U.S. Navy expects ships to be equipped with laser cannons in just two years. No word yet on when they’ll find those droids they were looking for.
Emma Watson is heading back to Brown this year. Said Watson, “I’m excited to find out who’s teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.”
Nicholas Cage will star in a remake of the “Left Behind” series. Film experts are calling it the “first sign of the apocalypse.”
Kris Jenner posted a picture on Instagram, complete with nip-slip. The photo hastened the introduction of Facebook’s “Do Not Want” button.
In an attempt to revive the faith, the Pope had named 7 new saints. Happy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, and Gaga.
95% of phrases beginning with “It’s true, what they say” are followed by something you don’t want to hear.
Jeff Goldblum is now doing ads for PayPal. It’s now the number one way to request reimbursement for Jurassic Park 2 tickets.
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