Jokes for the Week of 10/15

Texas State Fair lost their icon Big Tex, a 52-foot cowboy, in a fire. This leaves the state without it’s last line of Godzilla defense.

Tim Tebow has trademarked the term “Tebowing.” Fans have raised the question, “Is that what Jesus would do?”

The NBA has instated a 90 second time limit on pregame handshakes. Officials reassured the full handshake will still be required to enter the post game treehouse.

A man hired a woman to slap him every time he logged on to Facebook. The move is likely to inspire a new trend with “50 Shades of FarmVille.”

Today is the first day of PSAT testing. In other words, a test where everything is made up and the points don’t matter.

A poll shows parents would rather have Obama watch their kids which means if Obama loses the election, he won’t add to the jobless rate.

The Rolling Stones announced their 50th anniversary tour. It will unite old and young fans with people who want to watch someone die on stage.

Both Nike and Anheuser-Busch have dropped Lance Armstrong as a sponsor, proving any move to stay with the cyclist is ballsy.

General Mills will cut sugar and salt from its breakfast cereals, so keep an eye out for Nut Cheerios, Toast Crunch, and Unlucky Charms.

Paradox Closed or How A Review of Looper Turned into So Much More

Looper is good. You should go see it. It’s amazing to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the young Bruce Willis. A strong performance by everyone involved. SPOILERS AHEAD

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Something Wicked – Once Upon A Time

Tradition dictates that television shows have a sophomore slump, especially hour-longs.Once Upon A Time

For example, Glee followed up a stellar first season with a lackluster second that lost at least one viewer (me). Even one of my favorites, Fringe, stumbled starting from the second season block, abandoning its direction to maneuver back on a strong course, and why not?

After the first season, you’ve hit your stride. You’ve told a story. You’ve come to a conclusion. More than starting the first time, starting all over again is hard.

In contrast, Once Upon A Time hit season two running. Curse is broken. Things are moving.

Once Upon A Time hit its stumbling point in season one. The show seemed aimless, turning into name dropping, introducing new characters each week while the original narrative spun out of control. By adding some new voices to the team, OUAT was able to turn around and close with an amazing finale.

Did they go full dragon? Yes. Yes, they did.

So, what makes the second season strong?

How about a mob marching on the queen? A few new characters are snuck in, some in our parallel universe. The most curious new character came in at the very beginning. I refuse to conjecture at this point. On top of that, a new Evil is unleashed in the wraith.

But what’s a big source of conflict? A bunch of suddenly self-actualized fairy tale characters are trapped in a town, each individual seeking their own happy ending. It’s a clash of storytelling. Everyone has the potential for conflict, even without being an evil queen or corrupted immortal.

Which brings me to the “bad guys.”

In Regina, our evil queen, Once Upon A Time has given me the villain I want to root for. They muddied those waters by giving her a weepy backstory (I don’t need my evil queens to have backstory; just make them kick ass and I will be pleased). She’s not misunderstood. She’s not trying to simply create her own happy ending. She has power and it has corrupted her. She’s smart and manipulative. Chillingly evil. I love it. She foils those annoying do-gooders and it looks like a team-up is on the way.

Regina from Once Upon A TimeSounds wicked.

By the end of the episode, our smart, spunky modern girl is transported to fairy tale world with her same-age mother. So, like Revolution, we’ve fallen into another commonly used YA trope, but at least we’re dealing with grown-ups this time, right?

Right?

Guys?

While I still think Once Upon A Time is an advertisement for Disney movies (Whistle While You Work is not from the Brothers Grimm; Pongo is an overt reference to 101 Dalmatians), it’s still doing wonderful things for the fantasy genre in making it accessible and acceptable to the masses. If you haven’t seen Season 1, it’s out on DVD and available through Netflix. Catch up and we can talk about it.

Are you watching? What are your thoughts? If not Once Upon A Time, what should I be watching?

Here’s the Thing: Revolution

Guilty Pleasure: something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it.

Revolution has become my guilty pleasure.

Let me back up.

I have a love/hate relationship with J.J. Abrams and when I say “love/hate” I mean I mostly love every project that he is involved in. LOST and Fringe were defining shows in my television history. I remember Regarding Henry and Forever Young as staples in my childhood movie diet (okay, I was a weird kid). The “hate” part happens when he makes something that I find simply unbearable. Like Alcatraz.

For me, though, Abrams has been more hit than miss.

So, when Revolution came along, a creature dwelling in the middle of my gut rolled over and seized control of my brain waves. I knew it was too high concept for lesser mortals, but Abrams has the chops, right?

The pilot was less than impressive. I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was because everything was revealed in the trailers. There wasn’t any new ground covered. Maybe it was because of a shallow Katniss-wannabe in the lead (no one would accuse me of being a Katniss fan). Revolution wasn’t breaking any barriers. It wasn’t something I hadn’t seen before. While the main mystery of the show is “what caused the blackout?”, I have a hard time wrapping my head around why I should care. I wanted to see people moving on with life, rather than dwelling on a 15 years gone past.

Revolution Hunger Games

My younger sibling, who I feel responsible for, has been chosen. Quick! To the bow and arrows!

Is Abrams attempting to reach the young adult post-apocalyptic dystopian audience? If so, he’ll need a few more bread references (Panem? Peeta? Tell me I’m not the only one loafing around…)

But, the worst, most unforgivable maneuver? My favorite actress in the show was killed off in the first episode.

Or was she?

Elizabeth Mitchell.

Elizabeth Mitchell is the J.J. Abrams secret weapon. Her appearance in LOST at the beginning of Season 3 reinvigorated my passion for that show. Finally, I was watching the intriguing people. Finally, we were seeing a new side to the mystery that had history and context.

After LOST, Mitchell went on to star in V. Though not an Abrams project, Mitchell again brought something to the series that was undeniably her.

So, when I was told in episode 1 that Mitchell’s character was dead, I signed off. But, she was in the promos for the next episode. Kids, when Elizabeth Mitchell shows up in a scene, there’s only one thing you need to know: Shit’s going down.

Episode 2 of Revolution was again underwhelming. Something about the American flag referred to as a rebel symbol, as though it was something lost in history (while only 15 years has passed, so it’s still within working memory). The episode bounces from the “present day: 15 Years Later” timeline to the days immediately after the blackout. During one scene, when I was practically yelling at the television for someone to grow a pair and DO SOMETHING, Mitchell picked up the gun and did.

Elizabeth Mitchell Revolution

Following my emphatic “thank you”, we flashed back to 15 Years Later and, lo and behold ***SPOILER***, she isn’t dead at all.

No, no, my friends. Elizabeth Mitchell lives on in both timelines. The strong, powerful woman is playing a con, or being kept prisoner, or God knows what. So here’s the thing:

Rachel Matheson is the most interesting character on the show. She doesn’t need that complexity nonsense or fabricated teen angst. All she needs to do is take action. I will be watching gleefully as she takes matters into her own hands and kicks ass.

If he pulls a Joss Whedon, so help me…

If you’re looking for something extra exciting, don’t miss J.J. Abrams on Conan coming up this Thursday, 10/4. It will be a-mah-zing!

The Change

I’ve gone Hollywood.

Gone HollywoodFor the first time in 3 months, I returned to Dallas on a quest to surprise those I left behind. I hadn’t thought I had changed.  I was still the sly, witty, Iron Man rip-off that I’ve always been, but this time, something felt different.

One of my roommates is a reality TV star. Living with her is not nearly as exciting as it would seem. She’s an amazing, generous person with a Midwestern work ethic and an inviting personality, but it doesn’t change the fact that each tidbit of information I mention seems like I’m raising the stakes.

She’s a reality TV star.

From Bad Girls’ Club.

And Love Games.

And she’s filming a pilot this weekend.

Yes, my life turned into that. My roommate is filming a pilot this weekend.

I wrote a sketch for a Second City show that premiered on the main stage this Sunday when I was in Dallas. It was a wonderful thing to be able to tell everyone about, but I wasn’t heartbroken that I missed it. There will be more to come, more to experience, more to contribute.

I met Jane Espenson. I was at a coffee shop with Damon Lindelof (I think, still not sure), and I went to the Paley Center preview nights for three major networks.Hollywood Star

Back in Dallas, I ordered the salad because the takeout is less greasy in LA (this is not to say it is more healthy). I left a half-hour too early for everything because I’m already adjusted to living with the traffic patterns. Gas was $4 a gallon and I considered it a good deal.

But, let’s be completely honest.

The one thing that has really changed about me is that I’m happy.

I love living in Los Angeles. I love what I’m doing in Los Angeles. I am incredibly busy and not everything has moved as fast as I want, but I love it all.

And my last moments were bittersweet. Because, as I said goodbye to my friends, my heart breaking all over again because I already missed them, this time I wasn’t leaving Dallas to move to LA.

I was going home.

Celebrity Spotting

I’d like to dispel a rumor.

There is this…notion…that if you live in Los Angeles, you see celebrities everywhere.

This is simply not the case. I have only seen (identified?) two celebrities since I’ve been here. I am, of course, not counting the ones that I went to an event to see because, let’s be honest, that’s totally cheating.

The first was this guy:Progressive Insurance guy

Yep. The Progessive Insurance guy. He was walking down the street (in a jacket that color, no less) while I was driving. As I passed, I had the strangest feeling of deja vu. I knew that guy. I had met him before. But, from where? It wasn’t until later that I realized where I recognized him from.

The second was this guy:

Chord OverstreetWhile I’m not a big Glee fan, it’s on the fringes of my knowledge enough for me to have made the connection when I saw him. He was getting into his shiny, black car outside of our neighborhood Rite Aid. Celebrities are just like us! They have prescriptions!

I’m a little disappointed. At a premiere event for the second season of Scandal, some woman walked the red carpet and my friend whispered to me, “That’s Kerry Washington!”

I had no idea. I’d never seen Scandal before that night (it’s really good; watch it). I had no schema for Kerry Washington or any of the other actors on the show. So, I’m doubly disappointed. Not only have a not spotted many celebrities, I’m not versed enough in the culture to recognize them when I might see them.

When I was in New York, the only celebrity I saw for four months was Scott Adsit. As a huge 30 Rock fan, I recognized him immediately, but, at the time, 30 Rock wasn’t the comedy powerhouse it is today. I mean, it had only won two Primetime Emmys at the point.

I wonder if I would like to try celebrity hunting for a week. That’s sounds a little paparazzi of me, but, hey, it might be fun.

If there was one celebrity you would want to see (without drooling on them), who would it be?